Pieces of a Dream
by ChiisanaAnisa
Summary: Pieces of a dream based on the 100 themes from LJ Love Like No Other. MamoruUsagi
1. 5 Blue Eyes

**Disclaimer: **_I don't own Sailor Moon_

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**"In her blue eyes"**

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o-o-o-o-o

o-o-o-o-o

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She was strong and brave and she had a big heart and she was pretty and smart...

And not that at all.

Usagi always was some of those things. For example - she was a crybaby - she cried for every little thing that wasn't by her will, although those tears were fake then, most of the time. They were a bit hazy, a bit gray and they dropped down her cheeks too fast in a rush to catch the ghost of an emotion that wasn't there. They were all that and much more to be honest.

But when something was of great importance to her - then she would cry not because she was simply protesting, but she cried from the very bottom of her heart and her tears were like the drops of a waterfall, reflecting an entire world of colors and every tear went slowly on its own way carrying it's pain.

Usagi cried many times over and over again and Mamoru hated every one of those times, no matter if the tears were real or not. The very act of her crying, the sight of her wet face with an expression of a broken heart almost drove him over the edge. That's how powerful her tears could be.

And her eyes were blue, and every time she cried they were becoming lighter in color and Mamoru seriously wondered if one day when she cries all the tears out she would cry out all the blue too.

o-o-o-o-o

o-o-o-o-o

The last time Mamoru cried was when he was six, he remembers it well. Occasionally through the course of his life till now his eyes would sparkle with unshed tears but they never fell down, he never could, never was able to tell his story through them, to ask forgiveness or find redemption or anything else that a man could usually seek in the condolence of tears.

Instead of that he seeks condolence in her arms, in her at first timid and soft kisses and then later in the heat of their nights and heavy obsession of loving and being loved. Mamoru forgets all the tears he should be crying because of all the nightmares that are plaguing him, he forgets them for all the mistakes he made and for that he has, doesn't have and he's losing.

Because of that he finds himself little by little hating the woman he loves because she's capable of doing something he can't. He hates her for crying.

His eyes are blue too - and they are becoming more darker in color, because sometimes to him it seems as if all the color Usagi's eyes are losing is being transfered into his eyes - and he has taken so much from her already.

o-o-o-o-o

o-o-o-o-o

That afternoon while they are lying in the meadow, Mamoru leaning on the tree and Usagi with her head in his lap, she doesn't even try to love him more than she hates him or her self because it doesn't bring her pleasure anymore - nor love, nor hate - like it used to, in the beginning, and this is the end, just not yet. It will be, because it's not like it used to be, when spring was just a spring and autumn just an autumn; when they both meant to her life and love, loneliness and regret for something that was, wasn't and won't be.

He just sits behind her, beneath her, beside her and away from her and looks at her as if he can see through her, farther than her and the things she's made of, farther than the skin, bones and the hidden corners where she used to break because of him - and on the other hand he's looking at her as if he can see nothing else but her.

"You're crying again, Usako.", he announces, the tone in his voice painted by the guilt of the past and mirrored in the future, but mixed with the pain of now. She nods slowly, insecure, turning her head to press her cheek against his leg and she's very well aware what he meant by that.

And now, more than ever she is sure that he can't love her, at least not like she wanted him to love her - desperately and forever so she could completely lose herself in that love and become someone new and someone better.

"Yes, I know." Usagi confesses and raises her misted eyes to meet them with his with a small smile in the corners of her mouth.

"I know. "

With her completely white eyes facing his black ones Usagi can see everything that will never be because they both love too little and too much at the same time.

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o-o-o-o-o

o-o-o-o-o

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**AN: **_Ok, this was weird. But clear, to me at least. Oh well, it was running around in my head and I had to do something with it, although it's short. But it has been so long since I wrote something on Sailor Moon that I just had to try._

_Anisa_


	2. 80 Pandora's Box

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon

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**AN: **_Well, I decided to finally pick up on 100 themes. I have read such wonderful ones here, and the idea kept storming in my head. I can't promise I'll update every day, but I'll try._

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**oOo...

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**80. - - Pandora's Box**

She needs to get out. She needs to do something, now, right now, this very minute, in this moment. This room of hers is too small, it's another boring afternoon that goes by slowly, too slowly and everything is always the same: too same, too small. Not just her room, the whole house, whole damn town.

_I need to get out, I can't breathe here._

Usagi steps out right into the crisp coldness of the spring day, with air heavy and worn out and filled with the smell of fresh bread from the bakery around the corner. Someone's dog is barking in the distance, and she can hear the birds chirping on the branches above her head. The sun is still high up in the sky, a few blue or white clouds following after it.

She sighs with tiredness.

She is restless, and she doesn't quite know why. The devil stepped in her the very moment she left school and has been hell bent on not leaving her alone anymore. She had enough, she needs to do something. The routine of her life is too much the same - _same old, same old _- beaten into a sculptured path she repeats every day - sleep, school, afternoon - _so boring _- then the arcade, and then at night play-pretend you're strong enough to save the world... Then sleep and repeat it all over again.

And again. And again. And again.

This time she sighs with a note of irritation

Usagi crosses her hands over her chest, looks quickly left and right before crossing the road and thinks she has a few more minutes till she's in town. Just a bit - one, two, three steps more, the corner.. And then..

Mamoru.

Going towards her. That Devil from before smiles evily in the darkness of her heart, and she's beginning to feel herself lose this battle. The pictures in her head involving her and Mamoru are becoming more and more...

Oh, Mamoru.

_Mamoru._

_**Mamoru.**_

She doesn't know how it happened. It's like someone opened the Pandora's box that has been lying for centuries hidden inside of her, and now it is open - _and damnit it, finally _- opened right now, here...

Usagi stumbles a bit, sways in her movements and it seems she's due to fall down, she can see herself on the ground again - _again? _- but Mamoru hurries in his steps and then his long, strong and muscular arms are around her..

She draws him near, or he draws her, she still doesn't know anything, his mouths are on hers, soft but harsh, somewhere between a sweet daydream and a horrible nightmare. A slow, little kiss and then another...

Usagi opens her mouth a little more, and so does he, and then he's really kissing her, her upper lip, lower lip, his tongue is flying across her teeth. She grabs his armpits and holds herself steady, yet she is incredibly needy and she wants to pulls him in that damned Pandora's box of no rest and piles of passion and forever capture him there, just like by the story Faith is. Right at the bottom.

His ears are cold to the touch, and so are hers - _that she knows _- but everything is heating up bit by bit, and Usagi feels like she's going to burn alive and closes her eyes for a swift moment.

To kiss. More - more - _more.._

She opens her eyes again and Mamoru is looking at her strangely, surprised, as if he's expecting something and nothing at all. Then he smiles, gives her one last kiss... And he's gone.

Usagi is left there standing.

How cold it is suddenly.

Pandora's box closes again, but Mamoru is not in there.


	3. 30 Business card

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon

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**30. - - Business card

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...oOo...

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The coffee was already pretty much cold.

27-year old Usagi Tsukino was sitting quietly in a small booth in the newly opened restaurant owned by one of her best friends, Makoto. Makoto was a top cook, and when Usagi was younger she used to stuff herself on her food. Today, Usagi still loved eating Makoto's food, just with a little more grace and ability while eating.

First she treated herself with some delicious pancakes, filled with chocolate, and covered in cream and sprinkles. She always loved eating sweet, she never hid that fact. After finishing the pancakes she ordered for coffee.

Black, black coffee with only one drop of milk. She asked herself why she ordered it like that, she didn't usually drink it that way. But once, long ago, she knew a person who did. She remembered that person now, that man who was her whole universe for one long period of her life.

_Not anymore, _she thought and spinned the spon in the half empty cup. Mesmerzied, she followed with her eyes the circles presenting themselves in the cup and let her mind wonder off back to the past. She and Mamoru spent five wonderful years together. Full five years spent in laughter, _- and fighting_, in joy, _- and sorrow, _in happiness _- and sadness, _in love... _- and in death._

_And then it all fell apart. They both concluded that it just wasn't _**it** anymore, it wasn't the same love they had at the beginning. Oh, they loved each other more than life, but that felt more like a certain routine of their life than a real breathing feeling in them.

And so it ended. Mamoru went to America, and Usagi decided to become a professional photographer, after finishing the colledge to become a journalist. She successfuly finished the course and she was working as one of the main photographers in the "Empire Tokyo" magazine. She had a successful life, she thought, putting one hand under her chin and looking out the window. Colledge, job, a small apartment in the center of the town.. One whole bunch of friends, and she knew what the future brings... She had it all.

And then two days ago one part of her life came back knocking on her door as a big letter from America, a part she wasn't sure she wanted, or needed back in her life.

The letter was from Mamoru saying that he's holding a party that would celebrate his promoting to the director status in one of the most known America hospitals. And he was asking her to come and celebrate that with him. He also sent a couple of pictures of himself with the letter and his business card with all the numbers she could reach him on. With nervousness in her heart she reached for her wallet and pulled out the card.

Should she call him?

She wasn't sure. They haven't heard for nearly three years and now he contacts her out of the blue, and she was partialy out because of it, and partialy she longed for that something he gave her before, that feeling. Feeling he could still give her. She knew Mamoru as the back of her hand and she also knew exactly what would happen if she was to go. But she wasn't sure - _because she didn't know herself like she knew Mamoru _- that she really wanted for anything to happen.

The turned the card several times in her hands and then with shaking fingers pushed it back into the wallet.

She won't go.

She can't.

There's so much between them.

Sighing she picked up her things and payed to one of the waiters, waving at Makoto while exiting the restaurant. There's too much of a past behind them, so many things said and things that went unsaid... Too much pain, and too many mistakes. Too much trauma and death.

Too much love, she concluded at the end and with tired steps went home.

**...oOo...**

In the years yet to come, every now and then Usagi checked her wallet for the small card, just to be sure it was there. But she never again pulled it out and asked herself...

_What if?_


	4. 21 Mischief

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon**

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**...oOo...**

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**21. - - Mischief**

**...oOo...**

When others ask Usagi how she fell in love with Mamoru out of all the boys living and presiding in Tokyo, she first looks at them as if they asked her why the Moon circles around the Earth. Then she sighs slowly, takes her blue yes of their own and stares at the pristine table, pretending as if she is seriously thinking about the right but satisfying answer.

_Easy, because he's good looking, or handsome, or better yet - drop dead gorgeous as man can be, _she thinks and a smile draws itself on her face. But that is not enough. _Easy, because he's smart, really, really smart and incredibly intelligent, _she thinks and then frowns because she could have very well fallen in love with someone who has much less brains than Mamoru. _Easy, because he is the only one who knows exactly how to push all of her buttons. _Then she laughs out loud, an her laugh rings out like church bells, startling whomever asked her the question in the first place, and at the same time she shakes her head telling herself, that's not it either.

So she finally turns to the person, looks them square in the eyes and with slight blush on her cheeks, but with a vicious spark in her eyes. "On accident." She says and then falls silent not providing any further explanation.

**...oOo...**

Later, when Usagi has the chance to ask herself how she fell in love with Mamoru out of all the boys in Tokyo, her heart beats faster in the quietness of her room and she laughs sweetly to break the silence.

And confesses, easy - out of mischief.


	5. 46 Time

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon

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...oOo...

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**46. - - Time**

Time is something that has a relative definition.

At least that's what he was taught in school. Today, Mamoru wished for the time to spin forward in a head dizzying speed so he could take a peek into the future and find out everything he wanted to know. If he would finish college, would he be a good doctor, would his entire memories come back.. would he remain alone and cursed for the rest of his life or...

Or maybe, just maybe one day Usagi will be standing next to him?

Mamoru, usually calm and composed on the outside, currently felt on the inside as if someone was chasing him, pushing him and making him take a road that's clearly forbidden. Still, step by step, sigh by sigh he continued his short trip to the arcade and the cold autumn air had no affect on him this time. The little ring of bell signaled his entrance and it didn't pass a second when his eyes connected with the blue ones of Usagi Tsukino.

He stopped as dead in his tracks, because in those eyes he could see all the same questions that he wanted to ask too. The little sparks swimming in the blue ocean told him that Usagi wanted to know her future too, if she would finish high school, enter college and if she will find someone to live happily ever after with?

In that one second the time stopped, their eyes locked to each other as if they were sharing all of their private secrets, hopes and dreams. Usagi smiled softly at him and unnoticed by others gave him a little nod, letting him know that she knows it too, that she is completely aware of it but still not quite ready yet to try.

Then the time started up again, the wheel of Fate spun anew, and Mamoru felt as if he had just gotten an answer to the most important question of all.

Because Usagi was already with him, here and now.


	6. 2 Masks

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon

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**An: **_Well, I have a few more already written, so for a few more days I'll be updating each day. After that, I'll try to continue in that mode, but I won't promise anything._

_Also, most of my drabbles are either angst completely, or they border on angst. And they don't end happily, because I have some morbid fascination with not getting Usagi and Mamoru their happy endings. There will be, of course, sweet and waffy ones, so don't worry too much. _

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**...oOo...

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**2. - - Masks**

Usagi is a cry-baby, everybody knows that.

Sometimes that would be a mask she used to hide her other feelings - it was easier to transfer it all to a reason-less crying. Everybody does that, right?

Usagi has a good, pure and an honest heart - everybody knows that too.

She loves animals, she loves the clear sky and the clouds in which she can see various objects, she loves sun more than she does the rain and she loves the smell of ice-cream. She loves her friends, her family and she is careful to not do wrong to anybody. The mask she would use is the one where she would be forced to do something against her own beliefs, doing the move that wasn't right.

Usagi can run up to 100kmh per hour - and that is the fact the whole town knows.

Behind her she leaves only dust, strange words and sighs. The mask hides that she doesn't think highly about school because she isn't sure about finishing it.

Usagi is almost always late for school, she sleeps too much and too little, eats too much and too little, her wails can tear someone's ears off - these are all the facts everybody knows about Usagi.

Masks - for hiding from reality, for the sleepless nights, for her losses of appetite and for the silence she's wishing for and never gets to have.

Usagi isn't good in school, she can't bear if someone is mocking her, she can't bear if the strong go against the weak... And she's ready to do about anything to stop that - everybody knows that.

Mask that one day she will do something more that just running late for classes, a mask that not every remark to her hair, clumsiness or other things does hurt and that she can very easily throw it away. And the mask that she is too weak to do things by herself on occasions.

Usagi is Sailor Moon - only a couple of people knows that fact.

It's a mask she uses to hide from the entire world and it's curious eyes which for certain wouldn't accept the fact that small, plain and ordinary Usagi is saving the world every night.

All those masks used to fool others.

Usagi is in love with Mamoru - that is the fact only she knows.

And that is the mask she's using to fool only herself and nobody else.


	7. 3 Hair

**3. - - Hair**

_Playing again, Odango?_

_Again detention, Odango? _

_Odango, double chocolate shake again? _

Odango..?

_Odango..?_

**Odango!**

Usagi was sick and tired of always being called Odango just because of her hair style. She loved her hair, and the style was unique and partially she was proud because she made it by herself. But if Mamoru continues like this one of them is going to snap.. So she decided to make some drastic moves.

With heavy steps she walked in the arcade, looking left and right to check for her friends, but felt instant disappointment when none of them was there. Feeling down she settled herself on one of the high stools.

"Motoki," she called him with a defeated sigh, "one vanilla shake, please."

Motoki nodded his head and turned around to the machine to make it. Mamoru waited till that moment to hold his peace, but it was obvious it was a hard task to do.

"So? Alone today," - _here it comes, _she thought - "Odango?"

Usagi let out a groan which soon turned to a growl and with anger grabbed her bag and opened it in haste, pulling out a long metal object. The very next moment, before he could react in any way, she was pulling her hair down out of their buns and snapped twice around her head.

Waterfalls of beautiful golden hair slowly floated through the air and finally settled around her feet. Motoki dropped the glass he was holding, stunned beyond speech, but neither heard it hitting the floor and breaking into pieces. Mamoru stared at Usagi as if she just said she was from the Moon, opening and closing his mouth like a fish on dry land in a useless try to say something.

With pride Usagi pushed the scissors back into the bag and hopped down from the stool. She raised her head and the newly cut locks of hair now barely touched her shoulders. She waved her head left and right, letting them dance with ease and making it painfully obvious how short they were. Irritation rose high in her, all directed at Mamoruwho still couldn't decide what to do, and was looking up and down from fallen hair to Usagi and back.

"Mamoru." She said and he looked her in the eyes, and her words hit him hard and straight to the point. "This will never hurt me."

She turned around with confidence and with easiness in her steps she exited the arcade, while Mamoru followed her figure with an expression of pain on his face.

**...oOo...**

A few months later after they stared going out, Usagi found her locks hidden away in a box Mamoru hid under his bed, and a smile of pure love danced on her face.

_'Sometimes, love's worth the sacrifice.'_


	8. 58 At the end of the Day

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon**

**An: **_There are spoilers for the second season here, so if anybody didn't see it.. Read if you will, but I did warn you. _

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**...oOo...**

_"It's a heartache,_

_Nothing but a heartache.."_

**...oOo...

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**58. - - At the End of the Day**

Four days in total have passed since Mamoru broke up with her.

Usagi finally accepted that fact. She wanted to get back together because.. she loved him more than life, it was simple as that. Of course that meant she went to him, again and again - in a useless try to get something more out of him then just a weak "sorry", but without success.

She thought they were capable of giving each other a new chance to be happy, if only he would talk, spill it all out; she thought she should go after him and convince him that he's wrong, way wrong.

But after this time, after he once again neglected all her pleas and prayers and went away, Usagi didn't think it was fair nor sane to follow after him

She was left standing in front of the door of his apartment, the last time she tried, and although she wished to leave that place, her conscience telling her she should do so - _that it was time to move on _- she still felt something deep inside of her that made her observe the entire situation again, from the sidelines and not as someone who was standing in the middle of it. She needed to open her eyes and see again without the blinds on.. As she did before.

Because of that, she still wasn't sure why, when Mamoru came in question, she stayed on the beginners side of the door, her hand just a breath away from the knob, floating above but not touching it. Something whispered inside of her, and she pulled her hand back in a hurry as if the knob will burn her palm first and then start spreading on the rest of her body.

Later, in the dead silence of her room, Usagi very slowly and tired from sadness turned her eyes from the window and watched all things in her room, in her life. Unfortunately, every little part, every little trinket holds a memory, bitter or sweet and she feels as if she's reliving her life in that moment. It brings tears to her eyes, but the small picture on her night stand paints a smile on her face...

Because breaking up feels just so - bittersweet.

Usagi stays in that place, in the very center of her room till day turns into night full of regret and touchable feeling of bad things happening because she gave up once again, because she wasn't strong and brave enough to ignore the imaginary burning in her body and grabbed that knob to let herself out of this Hell, this magic circle her life turned into. She caught herself wishing that night would turn back into day, that the time would turn back and she would be given a chance to try anew.

To open that doors of solitude and borders, and go right after him and his refusal, to stop him from being even more distant than he is now and that is making her feel as if he was leaving forever. Now, she wasn't crying anymore, her tears all dried up the very first day, but that awful and always here feeling of loss settled in the core of her for the very last time.

Alone and abandoned - that's what the feeling of loss marked in this moment.

Usagi feared storms since she was little, and now she had one following her in her footsteps, and although Usagi was aware it was only fictional, imaginary storm made of negative emotions, dark corners and lonely islands of human thoughts and hopes, she shrank away from it She knew she won't drown in it, yet.

The storm was patient and it decided to wait for the next best chance to catch her unprepared, because Usagi was ready now and she wanted to storm to sweep her of her feet, and she also knew on the sane level of her mind that she would never, ever give that chance to the storm.

On the inside side of her mind, however, she could not resist thinking that she was already under the surface and that this was what people called floating...

Floating or not, Usagi just like Usagi, trusted her inner self, and didn't think much about her faults and virtues. This day was over and she was done with it. At the end of this day, Mamoru wins again, but tomorrow?

_Tomorrow_, she thinks and grins from ear to ear.


	9. 44 Dirty Nails

**44. - - Dirty Nails**

Rain.

Rain again, cold, torturing rain whose drops she felt as if the million needles were pricking her bare skin - _pricks that hurt as much as his comments - _rain whose smell was so - _strong she dreamed it _- heavy in the air that she could almost identify it with the smell of death.

Rain.

And coldness - those two always came together in tow, because you could walk in the rain on a nice summers day when all was warm and soft and sacred - _just not you ... _b_ut if you were the one that called the rain to come - then it came, happy she had someone to fall for, to cry instead of someone else who already poured out all their tears in the dark nights - because she can't cry at day anymore and not in front of him _- in the deepness of her soul, in the darkest corner of her room - _she hated him._

Usagi suddenly loved the rain.

She felt exhausted to the last borders of her strength, that little bundles of energy she had reserved were barely swimming through her blood - loneliness swam in her blood and the sorrow only encouraged her. Tired to the bones she lowered her eyes to her lap seeing her skirt ripped and dirty.

She was dirty, from head to toes. Everything was so dirty.

Until it rained and the dirtiness was slowly washed away in the falls of water from the sky, creating muddy little creeks that went sliding down her legs and arms, even face. With her eyes closed now, Usagi rose her head, her hair heavy with water dragging it even more down but she didn't care because - _everything was heavy... _She let the rain wash her face, to clean her - maybe make her pure again, she wasn't even sure herself what was what and why.

Flash of light broke her out of her stupor and she opened her blue eyes in haste, that old fear of - _of running, of refusal, of .. him _- of thunder slowly creeping up and back into the very core of her being. She raised her hands in a try to hug herself, to feel just a bit protected and her nails caught her vision.

The rain washed away the mud, the grass, all the little scratches, but the soil underneath her fingernails remained. She remained - he stayed. Her hands almost as clean as the sun, and her nails dirty as hell itself.

With a smile so lost Usagi waved her arms around her small figure and got up to head home.

In truth, she hated the rain with passion, she hated Mamoru even more, she hated all the love she felt for him - and she loved him in the same time.


	10. 22 Christmas

**22. - - Christmas**

White Christmas.

At last

After two years of no snow, Usagi's wish finally came true. When she woke up in the morning, stretched out a few times and threw Luna off her bed, with a yawn she turned her head to the window - only to be blinded by pure whiteness.

With a squeak of happiness she jumped out of bed, completely ignoring the fact that the temperature of her room was much lower than her bed and pressed her face to the cold glass window.

"Snow!" She screamed in joy, happiness drawn on her face and shining in her eyes. Luna at first thought seriously to give her some wordings about proper conduct, but watching her protege so blissfully happy she changed her mind and nodded her head with a smile.

"Oh Luna!" Usagi sighed, turning to face the cat. "This... is.. This must mean all my wishes will come true!"

Luna raised one eyebrow and lazily jumped back on the bed. "Other wishes?"

"Well, you know. A new coat, big allowance - ski trip with the family.. You know. I told you all about it."

"Yes, and they are all so perfectly simple because you get them fulfilled every year." Luna answered, and Usagi fights a frown.

"Well, you know what Luna, at least that means I can trust Christmas to give me the things I love and enjoy..." She trailed off, her thoughts wandering off and her eyes turning glassy. _'I wish for this Christmas that he makes my wish come true..' _

"Usagi?"

"Ah, don't worry. Never mind. Now, I need to get going, Rei first, and.. Oh, I need to go by Motoki's place too - I have presents for him and his sister. And I have yet to pick up Shingo's too.."

"That's a lot of things to be done. Don't you think you should go, like now?"

"Why, it's only..." Usagi turned to the clock on her night stand which told her in large red digits that is was almost noon. "Oh my God! I can't believe it. I'm latee...!"

And a mini tornado called Usagi soon ran amongst the streets of Tokyo so she could manage to complete all the tasks set out for this day to be done. And time flew by quickly - in pleasant company of her friends, and in gift exchanging. She stayed with the girls too long, but that couldn't be helped. Pleasure is pleasure.

Now she was finally sitting in one of the booths in the arcade, talking to Naru who only stopped by to give her a present and of course, to pick up her own. With a short goodbye and good wishes they parted and Usagi sat down again with a tired sigh, throwing her head back and closing her eyes.

"Tired?" Asked a deep, velvet voice she knew all too well. But she was in a very good mood right now, albeit tired, but too happy to play games with him now.

"Yes, I've been running around all day so I could share the Christmas joy, and give presents, and the snow that made me happy in the morning now won't stop falling..."

Mamoru gave a short laugh and sat down across of her. "Well, at least one of us had a nice day."

Usagi frowned at that, feeling a bit of worry sneak in. "Something bad happened?"

"No, I just had to work. That's all." Mamoru said shaking off the snow from his shoulders, but not moving his eyes from her. "I'm a bit tired myself."

"Geez, working on Christmas. Terrible. Not quite the best thing to do, no? Well, this..." She trailed off here, turning around and played with her bag before pulling out a small red present. "May brighten your day."

Mamoru blinked once, and then stared at her. "A gift? For me?"

Red blush that appeared on her cheeks moment before, now only deepened. She nodded shyly. "Yes. Look, I know we aren't exactly friends, but I had a feeling I have to give you something.." She tried to explain, staring at the table.

"Usagi, thank you. But I'm sorry, I'm afraid I didn't buy presents this year. Tomorrow. I promise."

Usagi raised her head quickly and Mamoru noticed the spark of sorrow in her eyes before she got on her feet. "I really don't mind, Mamoru. I just wanted to do something nice. I have to go though, family awaits." With that, she turned on her heels and stared toward the exit.

Completely on impulse, Mamoru grabbed her slim wrist. Usagi stopped and with question written on her face turned to him, only to see him getting up. "Usagi.."

She raised her head to look him in the eyes, and that blush returned to her cheeks. "Hm?"

"Merry Christmas." Mamoru whispered before his lips descended on her own and kissed her gently, just a touch soft as the wings of a butterfly. For that moment, everything was right with the world, all white and heavenly, and pure.. And oh, so very like Christmas.

When the day was slowly ending, Usagi let herself admit that was the best present she got this year for Christmas.

And by the way, it made all of her wishes come true, she thought with a happy sigh while slipping into dreamland completely relaxed and content.


	11. 23 Valentines

**Happy Valentines Day to you all!

* * *

...oOo...**

* * *

**23. - - Valentines**

_Crash!_

Half the people in the arcade turned around to the pile of small presents that fell down on the floor and flew around like a basket of apples. But, only one guest found it hilariously laughable, specially when he noticed a pair of buns peeking out behind the small mountain of Valentine's presents. He could hear her whispering curses to her chin and only laughed more.

With much struggle, Usagi managed to raise all the presents and all the cards, and with little attention unceremoniously dropped them on the first free table, which turned out to be the one Mamoru sat at. Only after she raised her head with her eyes wide open, she jumped away and pointed at him.

"Mamoru!"

He rose one eyebrow at her, and tried to calm down from laughing. "Yes, Odango?"

Feeling defeated she pointed to the mess on the table and with wild eyes turned to him. "You! You're to blame for this!"

Mamoru's laugh stopped short in his throat and he rose both of his eyebrows. "Come again?"

"Yes, you, with your stupid sayings. If only you didn't so stupidly proclaimed to the entire world that you would give me the most expensive gift in the history of all Valentine's, I wouldn't have to deal with this!" She yelled, waving her hands around, every now and then looking at the table as if her own death was lying there. "You really don't know when to stop joking!"

That laugh returned back and in full speed, and it took Mamoru all his training not to double over and roll around the floor. "Usagi.." he managed to say between breaths. She stood before him, with her hands on her hips and tapping her foot. "Yes?"

Mamoru finally calmed down and got up, catching one package in his hands. "Chocolate? With caramel?"

Usagi looked at him with narrowed eyes. "Yes..?"

With slow steps he approached her, towering over her and pressed his nose against hers. "Will we eat it now, or by dinner time?"

Usagi giggled and blushed a bit, her hands going around his neck in a firm grasp. "Mamo-baka, you and your chocolates." Was all she was allowed to say before his lips lowered hungrily on her own and played. He smiled into the kiss, because he still didn't tell her she was much more sweeter than chocolate.

"Well," she said after they broke apart, "I'm still waiting for that most expensive gift in the history of all Valentines." He smiled and pulled her down into his lap, sitting down and back into the booth. With a devilish gleam in his eyes, Mamoru unbuttoned his shirt only to show her big red ribbon tied around his neck.

"You get me."

Usagi's happy and crystal laughter rang out through the arcade for a long, long time.


	12. 55 Panic

**AN: **_Not quite Usagi/Mamoru, but it is, if you look hard enough.

* * *

_

**55. - - Panic**

When she turned around with fear in her bones she realized he's still behind her. Her steps as heavy as lead echoed on the cold marble floor and Usagi could literally feel dread running through her veins. A drop of cold sweat trailed down her spine and slipped into the hem of her shirt, leaving her skin bristle and trembling.

Her breathing was coming out in short intervals, and she was afraid she'd suffocate, while pressing one hand to her chest in despair. She couldn't get enough air in, as if something massive and big was standing on her chest, and kept pushing down. Down, down, down.

The hoop around her heart squeezed more in, and from the corner of her eyes she caught a shadow moving. She jumped where she was standing, in fright and turned her head sharply to the left, her wide eyes meeting dark blue eyes, the color of storm. The hand holding her bag gripped the handle even tighter, till her muscles screamed out in protest, and then the pain spread through her nerves like a virus that destroys anything in it's path.

Shivering, she turned around to face the person behind. More and more she was going out of breath, and she was sure that panic was now riding through her mind. Restless and fickle panic that danced fast, like tango in her stomach, and at the same time stomped around her heart.

"Usagi, you're still running away." Words came to her and she shivered all again, now shaking as a fallen leaf on the harsh wind. _No_, she thought, _no. I'm finally stepping forward, _she wanted to scream, but her mouth remained tightly closed. She blinked once, then twice, and pressed her hand against her chest even more.

_I need to breath, _she half thought, half screamed, while the murmur of her heart blocked out all the other thoughts.

"But you know, there will come a time when you'll have no place to run anymore." Finished the image of devil a few steps behind her, and Usagi lost that little air left in her lungs. With a muffled scream she pulled her legs from the spot she was standing on, and hurried to the doors. They closed after her small figure, with a quiet, agonizing and a very broken sound.

_Yes, she's always running away, _she thought, _even from love, _and continued running.


	13. 1 Chocolate

**1. - - "Chocolate"**

Chocolate.

No, **_Chocolate._**

If there was anything that Mamoru loved more than coffee - it was chocolate. Black, white, mixed, with rice or with berry's... Anyway, anyhow and anywhere, as long as it had chocolate in it, the board was his love.

Addictive, but for certain the only thing worth losing his last sane thought, and at the same time it was responsible for the act that happened a few minutes ago.

Mamoru had to order coffee instead of chocolate today, because he had a big test tomorrow and he couldn't afford to screw everything up with his addiction with chocolate. It was all well and good until Usagi strolled into arcade, licking from ear to ear, barely bitten board of chocolate in her hands.

With a loud sigh, Mamoru diverted his eyes from her, even as she sat down next to him in one of the high stools by the bar.

_Bite._

He was distracted by the smell.. Oh that smell..!

_Lick_

Really, does she need to do that with him there?

_Bite._

Chewing.

Sucking.

Mamoru groaned in despair and hung his head, covering his ears with his hands.

_Bite._

_Lick._

His borders of control were rapidly being erased.

Silence.

Surprised, Mamoru turned to Usagi just to discover that she has already eaten the entire thing.

And he didn't have any chocolate for a... And in one swift move he reached for her and pressed his lips to hers. Ah, the wonder of chocolate..

Usagi froze in place, her body unable to respond until it finally came to her that _Mamoru. Was. Kissing. Her_. In the middle of the arcade.

She pushed him off with a half scream and slapped him in a reflex before running out of there like the wind.

Mamoru was left sitting there with a heavenly smile on his face which was starting to scare Motoki.

Because you see, Chocolate had unique, wonderful taste that sent him into the sky and didn't let him down for a long, long time, until the fog clouding his mind floated away. But now...

Well, all we can say is that Mamoru concluded that Usagi together with chocolate overcame all the tastes that particular sweet could offer.

Besides, he has just found his new addiction.


	14. 28 Same old Song and Dance

**28. - - Same old song and dance**

You know how it goes - _one_, **_two_**, spin, _one, **two** _- spin?

You do?

Great.

Because that's the way Mamoru and me have been for quite a while now. Everything is always just so the same, same, same, and let me sound pathetic - so beaten down into the same routine of our little, everyday lives it makes me scream.

He says _one_ when he opens his mouth and calls me Odango, or when he teases me about grades and school, or about eating too much.. Same old, same old.

Me, being the blonde that I am, answer to his one with my **_two_**, sticking my tongue out, with some low remark back about his green jacket, or about his lack of life, coffee and him being a total geek.. Same old, same old.

And then, one day, see the Devil (or actually Beryl), in one very nice spin it turns out he's Tuxedo Kamen, my wonderful saviour and the prince of my dreams - really makes me scream because it's quite literally - and to his _one_ - I will protect you till the day I die, I jump with my _**two**, _answering him the same back.

Stupid, stupid.

We both end out dead cold, specially cold because we are on the South Pole where it's so cold that the penguins are moving to North Pole, but never mind. Being the sweet, lovable soul that I am, I wish for all of us to be reincarnated. And also damned.

And back to that slumped routing and dance. Meet everybody again, then him - the same steps, the same bittersweet song.

He says _one_ and then it turns out that he doesn't remember me, but still remembers enough to call me Odango once again.

I say **_two_** with a tongue sticking out (again, again), my nerves fried, but with a hidden smile. Because anyone who knows us and our song, our unique way of dancing - also knows which spin comes next.

You do know, right?

Great. Then enjoy. Even though it all is - same old song and dance.


	15. 24 Dragonfly

**24. - - Dragonfly**

She was like a dragonfly to him - she represented light and happiness, pure joy of living.

She entered his dreams quietly and slowly just like the dragonfly glides softly above the surface of water, rarely ever touching it. And even if she did touch it just for the briefest of moments the trace would stay long afterwards, etched in time and space. With her crystal laughter and with eyes of the sky she is just like the dragonfly - here, at the reach of his hand but completely uncatchable.

Still, Mamoru was a patient man. Usagi is still young now, everything is so new to her - new experiences, new adventures, new emotions and findings - all of that awakes a myriad of emotions in her and she turns and turns, skips over them and round them. All those lines of life in making, she lives through them with a childlike curiosity, sometimes taking a few steps back when she understands it's not so easy.

Mamoru watches her closely, hidden in the shadows of tomorrow and waiting for the day when she will bloom into a beautiful young lady, like the dragonfly transforms into something better at the ending of the turning cycle. Usagi will become a person who lived a lot in her youth and then took it all in her hands and molded it into wonderful maturity and control.

He stays behind the screens of her days, watching, because there is nothing more magnificent then seeing the girl you love growing up before your very own eyes.


	16. 16 Behind the blue Curtain

**16. - - Behind blue curtain**

Usagi sees a lot of things. A lot.

But very little of that what she sees she shares with others. Those are the things that are of interest only to her, only her and nobody else so they are clean and good enough to be kept a secret. Sometimes, it depends on the day, she shares it with the others. When she sees the first blooming sakura flowers in someone's backyard, or when she catches the pearly traces of airplanes across the sky, even when the nights air is clean and translucent enough for her so that she can almost see behind the smiling face, the faint traces of the Moon Kingdom.

That kind of things she share with her friends and family. Because she has to. And wants to.

Sometimes.

And the rest?

The rest Usagi jealously keeps to herself, like a cat cares for her newborn kittens. She stashes away all those little special things in small boxes, marks them with names that mean something coherent only to her. She opens them when she wants to and admires them every time anew. A lot of people doesn't know that and she likes her secrets.

Still, one day, while she observes the making of the rainbow in a little paddle of water under her feet, her smile that warns the world how small things should be appreciated every day is seen and caught by somebody else.

Behind the blue curtain of her hair, with a little help from playful breeze, Mamoru takes in the wonder of her hidden, beautiful smile - the memory of a child still learning, but the reflection of a young woman wise enough to understand and love the things as the come.

He paints it, copies it and prints it out - stores it in his own box of values, and carries it around till the end of the day.


	17. 14 Closet

**14. - - Closet**

Usagi thought that she could turn her big closet into her little sanctuary. Turn it into a camp of escape, decorate so it fits her imaginary world with lots of little moon and star shaped trinkets. Maybe she can even paint the ceiling of it into the night sky, sprayed with the stars. Maybe.

The longer she thinks about it, the more she likes the idea, and so she starts with the plans. But as the time passes, the colors of blue and gold soon become the colors of red - wonderful, wonderful colors of red. From the pale redness like the brick to the deep, envious red of a rose. Once and again red color jumped out in her works and slowly settled into the life of her closet.

When she sat down for the first time in the finished, remade closet - in her little sanctuary she realized what she has done. _Oh God, _she though with a startled sigh bordering on the line of anxiety and relief. _Oh God... _

Usagi stands up and turns around, looking at her new closet, really looks at it. Slowly a smile of recognition spreads on her face. The closet served to hide her from the world, that was his goal. But now - it was the only place, made with her hands almost unconsciously - where she could sit down and let herself be overwhelmed by the red color of love. By thoughts of Mamoru, her hidden, or maybe - forbidden Mamoru.

Maybe she locked herself into the closet and hid herself from the world, but she opened the closet doors of her heart to something that could quite easily become the best thing in her life.


	18. 36 Champagne

_"How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you? _

_Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?"_

_..o.._

_..o.._

Long, while dress and redness on your cheeks. Hurried heartbeat and short breaths with an unstoppable smile on your lips. Eyes as two big oceans filled with the waves of love, and deep as the sea on a beautiful, calm summer day.

In the background there's a special music playing - their song and in his hands you feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. _This is what Heaven looks like, _you think and rest your head on his strong shoulder. Through your thick, long lashes you peek up to his face and correct your previous thought. _No - this is Heaven. _

Laughter and the sounds of the party ring out all around you, and you're so easy, easy as a feather, you're so easy while swirling in the rhythm of a memory in making. Mamoru presses a soft kiss in the crown of your hair just when somewhere left of you the sound of champagne breaking open sounds out. Deep, rich laughter slowly surfaces from your throat and through your lips, mixing with the rest of the noise in the hall.

_Welcome to the rest of your life, _you think and let Mamoru spin you around in your first wedding dance.


	19. 33 Gift

_This is your life - are you who you want to be? _

_This is your life _

_Is it everything you dreamed of when the world was younger.. _

_and you had everything to lose..?_

_..o.._

_..o.._

It was just a few minutes after midnight and more then ever Usagi wanted to sleep. If she was only to close her eyes and fall sleep. She could probably sleep through entire century. Still, all the tiredness that nestled in her body seemed almost divine while happiness swam through her veins.

_Oh God, finally, _she whispered and turned her head on the left side of her pillow. Her gaze landed on Mamoru, curled up on the little chair by the window. His shallow breathing echoed in the room, and Usagi's eyes fell to his hands. Little curls of pink peeked out over the small blanket of the little bundle sleeping on Mamoru's wide chest and strong arms. Usagi felt her eyes misting over and her heart filled with love.

Her eyes drank in every detail of that wonderful scene in front of her and for the first time she realized how it's possible to love someone so much, so unconditionally. _Thank you, Mamo-chan_, she mumbled in a whisper full of love.

_Thank you for the best birthday gift ever, _Usagi repeated and with the last look at her husband and her newborn daughter finally slipped into dreams.


End file.
